I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want a musical about memes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
