I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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