i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
