I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
