Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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