I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
