apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My balls are so social today.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
