I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.