True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
