It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.