So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji