And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
You made out with two different species that night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out