my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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