And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
