I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
