The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
