Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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