Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
