we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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