My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
