she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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