the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
