I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
