i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
