Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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