I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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