Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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