I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
