Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
