doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
thus making me awesome and them whores
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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