3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
