Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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