so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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