i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
