I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
