Pants 0. Shit 1.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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