dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
