Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
