I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
