shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
