The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
