He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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