I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
