I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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