Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
