Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
