I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
