i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
