You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
