im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
