Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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