i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
handjob tips. give me some.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
