i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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