my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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