I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
