I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
