She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
