im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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