My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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