did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
