This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think i have herpe
just one?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
