Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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