You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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