Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
