6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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