Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
