Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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