She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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