your parents love me but you hate me
She said her name was "party"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
