This is not my ceiling
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
