i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize