just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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