Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
