i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
