Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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