by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
