my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
