I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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