I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize