Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
