Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
