Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize